A Bloke From Up The Road

I’m doing my best to enhance

my modest front garden

by putting in some bedding plants

when this bloke from up the road

comes along with his dog


And behind my back

the bloody dog scratches up one of my plants

“He’s never done that before” he says

Through gritted teeth I say “No harm done,

it’s just a bit of fun”


Within ten minutes I know his life story

He finishes every one of my sentences

but doesn’t listen to a word I say

I’m starting  to get really annoyed

and mark him down as one to avoid


He asks me what I paid for my mower

I tell him and he says

“You should have asked me,

I could have got it for much lower”

I hate that, he’s getting on my tits.


I now immensely dislike him

with his slick hair and white teeth

I’m thinking of ways of giving him grief

Perhaps greenfly spray his mangey dog

or write a scathing poetry blog


Then he tells me about his wife’s store card debts

and his huge rent arrears

And despite his eyes filling with tears

he tells me a really funny joke

Actually, in retrospect he’s quite a nice bloke


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