I’m doing my best to enhance
my modest front garden
by putting in some bedding plants
when this bloke from up the road
comes along with his dog
And behind my back
the bloody dog scratches up one of my plants
“He’s never done that before” he says
Through gritted teeth I say “No harm done,
it’s just a bit of fun”
Within ten minutes I know his life story
He finishes every one of my sentences
but doesn’t listen to a word I say
I’m starting to get really annoyed
and mark him down as one to avoid
He asks me what I paid for my mower
I tell him and he says
“You should have asked me,
I could have got it for much lower”
I hate that, he’s getting on my tits.
I now immensely dislike him
with his slick hair and white teeth
I’m thinking of ways of giving him grief
Perhaps greenfly spray his mangey dog
or write a scathing poetry blog
Then he tells me about his wife’s store card debts
and his huge rent arrears
And despite his eyes filling with tears
he tells me a really funny joke
Actually, in retrospect he’s quite a nice bloke
