If you are a growth-minded person, you know that feedback is a gift. Or at least that’s what people say. But what does that even mean?
It has taken me a long time to figure it out. I don’t know that I have the right answer, but if helpful, this is what I do with feedback.
Consider The Source
Not all sources are equal, and it’s important to consider who is giving you feedback and why. Whether it is a manager, a mentor, or a colleague, do they have your best interests at heart? Do they want to help you develop and grow? What do they have to gain by giving you feedback? What experiences does that person have to be able to provide you advice?
When I was a law student, I met one of my first mentors through a local bar association. As first-gen, I didn’t know any lawyers, so I was very excited that someone was interested in helping me. While I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do, I was interested in exploring litigation. This mentor told me that I would get “eaten for lunch” and advised against litigation. I was crushed.
Luckily, I had just started on a moot court team, which was coached by two other lawyers in the community. They noticed how crestfallen I was at practice, my unusual lack of confidence at practice, and asked me why. I shared my mentor’s advice, and my coaches gave me some perspective. From this conversation, I considered how my mentor hadn’t known me very long, how she herself was not a litigator and had no litigation experience (as compared to my current moot court coaches), and that it was just one person’s opinion. I had to consider the source to put the feedback into context and now allow one person’s advice to change my entire career trajectory.
Reflect
Receiving feedback is hard, especially if you are a recovering “fixed-mindsetter” like myself. There’s certainly a practice to hearing criticism, suspending the gut reaction to be defensive or spiral, and turning the feedback into an opportunity to change. It may not be so arduous for others, but I need to sit with the feedback and reflect. I need to think about other examples and experiences from my life and see if there is a pattern and why I behave the way I do. Sometimes I need to go back to the source and ask for examples because I don’t understand the feedback.
In one of my performance reviews as a new in-house counsel, I received feedback that to grow in my career, I needed to work on my gravitas. I didn’t know that meant so I did some Googling, and I asked my manager for examples of leaders with gravitas. Ultimately, I still didn’t understand so I sought a professional coach for help.
Put It Into Action
Once you’ve “validated” the feedback, you have a choice to make. You can either ignore it — because of the source, because it’s not related to one of your goals, or because it goes against your core values — or you can use it to improve. This is probably the most difficult step because it requires intention in recognizing an opportunity and execution.
After I received feedback from a colleague that my self-deprecation may be undercutting my own credibility with clients, I had to create a little “system” to try to change this behavior. I started by blocking off 15 minutes before key meetings so I could set my intention for the meeting and how I wanted to show up. I also blocked off 15 minutes after those same meetings to “grade” myself on how I did, think about ways to do better, and of course, write down any to-do items.
Ultimately, feedback can be a gift. It can help us get some visibility into our blind spots and affirms the value of trusted relationships, but it takes some work to really maximize the opportunity.
Meyling “Mey” Ly Ortiz is in-house at Toyota Motor North America. Her passions include mentoring, championing belonging, and a personal blog: TheMeybe.com. At home, you can find her doing her best to be a “fun” mom to a toddler and preschooler and chasing her best self on her Peloton. You can follow her on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/meybe/). And you knew this was coming: her opinions are hers alone.
