crying in the bathroom

i am wrapped in an orange towel crying in the bathroom. 

because i am scared and because i am sad. 

to lament the unlovable nature of oneself, 

yet freeze at any moment of affection is a hard life to lead. 

but i am leading it and it is hard. 

why cant i open myself to people. 

why?

who made me this way. 

who placed feelings so deep and profound in my heart,

but locked them in there, with a key planted on the other side of the world. 

i am scared i’ll always think theres something wrong with me  

i am very scared these days. 

of men, of myself, of my bedroom. 

so scared i have to stop living for a few hours just so i can live again.